I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize
