he wants to bone in the snuggie
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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