We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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