TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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