did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
