tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
