When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
