this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
