Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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