Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
