Too much gin, very little bucket
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
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