Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
