apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize
