and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
