Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize