just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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