Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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