How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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