and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
