Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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