didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
