i need an iv and a liver transplant
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
