"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
