is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize