its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
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