Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
