go do what you do best...puke behind churches
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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