remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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