I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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