I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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