i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
