I'm so fucking centered right now
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Randomize
