Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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