We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
