you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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