New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
