sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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