The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Couch. On fire.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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