I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
