If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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