By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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