Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
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I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
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you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
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