We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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