I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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