Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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