i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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