There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
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