There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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