I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
