i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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