You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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