after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
