Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Randomize
