I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
