his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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