I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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