): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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