Your dad touched me again.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
