A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
