I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
