I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
