He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
