I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Randomize
