somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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