I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
