i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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