How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
