Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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