Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
