Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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