I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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