Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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