she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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