i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
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she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
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I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Enjoy the penises
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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