fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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