oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
