i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
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