went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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